Oh childhood, where have you gone? Actually, where were you?
Childhood is a time of innocence, fun, exploration, learning, unconditional love, and NO WORRIES! Of course, the way my life is set up, childhood was all of the above for my brothers and I, except for the no worries and adding to the list: stress, hunger, violence, and TRAUMA.
A father who was an alcoholic, paranoid schizophrenic, in and out of jail, and living the life of a homeless person. Always ready to fight then laugh. He was always laughing.
A single mother, addicted to drugs, in and out of jail, no money, no structure, and a violent, unstable environment. Always stressed and worried, and high.
Dirty house, dirty body, ugly hair, no clothes, no lights, no car, no food, no money, being a young pretty girl living with and around perverts, a crack house called my grandma’s house where every adult was under the influence of something except for my grandma, who always stayed in the room while my brothers and I slept in the living room or under the dining room table with a diner like door where strangers came and went as they pleased, my only safe house outside of school.
Eating out of dumpsters, living in shelters, finding drug paraphernalia around the house, getting visits from police often, witnessing domestic violence, my life was like a movie: Mississippi Damned, The Inevitable Defeat of Mister And Pete-both can depict my life.
Grown at the age of 7, I lived as an adult in a child body. There is no way my children will be exposed to what I was exposed to, ripping my innocence and carefree nature.
Resiliency saved me. My brothers, my friends and their moms, saved me. My teachers who were kind and accepting, saved me. The unconditional love I felt from my mom and dad regardless of their mental states and the environments they exposed us to, saved me.
Love & friendship: a recipe for resiliency.
Now that I have the ability to control stress and my environments, I can relive my childhood, the way I want, everyday and in every moment, living with innocence, fun, exploration, learning, unconditional love, and NO WORRIES!